The REAL reason you struggle to voice your needs (& how to change it)
Does voicing what you need or want ever feel uncomfortable?
Do you ever catch yourself writing off what you need before even exploring what it would look like?
Do you ever notice yourself avoiding voicing what it is you need and want at all costs, even if it means rejecting your own needs/wants because *it’s not worth it*?
This is often a signal from your Inner Child, asking for love and attention.
These moments, a signal, signal that your body no longer feels safe.
Your body remembers.
It remembers those moments when expressing your needs as a child led to hurt or rejection. Moments that felt unsafe, unpredictable and disheartening. A moment that created a disconnect with your loved ones.
But what if those moments could be rewritten and healed? What if you could create a new relationship with voicing your needs and wants?
A moment you learn to cultivate safety within your body so you can rewrite what you would have wanted these moments to look like when you were a child — one that feels safe and secure.
| My husband was sick last week and I caught myself feeling resentful of the extra duties that fell on my lap — and if I’m being completely honest, I mostly felt resentful because I didn’t have anyone pick up the slack for when I was sick the week prior…. I noticed something within this doesn’t feel good, clearly I want something different. “Where is my power in this?” Questions started running through my mind… What is it I’m needing or wanting? What is it I’m currently doing that is feeding into what doesn’t feel good? What How can I interact with this differently in a way that gives me a more ideal outcome? I quickly realized that deep down, I wished someone picked up the slack when I wasn’t feeling well. The problem? I’m also seeing that I didn’t voice what it was I was needing or wanting. I can’t expect him to read my mind, especially when he’s become so accustomed to me operating so heavy on the masculine side of doing our entire relationship. And that is where my power lies — voicing what it is I need and want. I began to see all the moments in the previous week where I had talked myself out of wanting help. Or when I said I was fine, when really I would have appreciated for him to take over supper and to go have a bath. Let me just say — so much easier said then done. Here I am, two weeks in of practicing this. It’s hard. I decided Friday afternoon when Jason got home, we’d sit down and talk about me having some time to myself that night. I made a plan in my mind. When Jason gets home I’ll tell him supper is at 5:30 and that I was hoping for the night off to decompress. And so I did. When the moment came, I felt anxious, my chest felt tight — it was harder then I expected to say the words out loud. Jason looked disappointed, he was hoping for a bath — being sick and all. I didn’t respond right away. Part of me wanted to, part of me wanted to immediately say “you’ve had THREE baths this week, I need a break.” Instead, I gave it space to breathe instead of reacting. A few minutes later, he said, “does it work for me to have a quick bath? I’ll be out by 5:30 and you can go have your time?” It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. It felt like a win win. I’m continuing to put this into practice this week. I want to take a training tomorrow that runs from 3pm-6:30pm. Logistically, it’s doable: Jason can leave work early, pick up Haedyn from playschool, take her to swimming lessons shortly after and I can prep a crockpot meal for them. Yet I keep finding myself hesitating. “It’s asking too much”.. “It’s going to be a hassle for everyone”. That discomfort — that resistance to voicing my needs — is familiar. It’s how I used to protect myself as a child. But I’m rewriting that story now. I’m learning to cultivate safety within my body so I can honor my needs, even when it feels uncomfortable or hard. If this resonates with you, let this be a gentle nudge to pause and check in with yourself. What is something you need or want right now? Can you take one small step toward voicing it today? Remember, this is a process and it’s OK to feel uncomfortable. It’s only uncomfortable because the healthy version of it has felt unfamiliar. Every moment you choose to listen to yourself and express what you need, you’re rewriting the narrative. Want support in rewriting these moments? Hit reply and share what you’re working on – I’d love to hear from you! If you’re craving deeper support, snag a 1:1 spot here. I can support you in pinpointing the deeper pattern underneath the struggle, bring clarity where there has been frustration allowing you to rewrite the narrative and pattern to create change. Let’s create the kind of connection you’ve been longing for in your closest relationships! |
Sending lots of love,
alyssa